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ATLANTIS!
a conspiracy theory rock opera

cast/players:

narrator: Dustin st. wright
guitar: KAI
accordion/piano/harp: Jesse Autumn
bass: Dabu
drums: Dustin White
fiddle: JJ
story board: MIMO


Song 1
C, F


The story im about to tell you may sound far fetched
but I swear that every word of it is truth
I know its true,
because it happened to me...
This is my story...

I grew up in new york city.
And I had one hell of a strange childhood.
It was just me and my mom
This was not the strange part of my upbringing.
The strange part
was that my mother
was not your typical
single-mom-from-the-suburbs sort-of-a-lady..

To put it lightly...
…my moms fucking loaded!
I mean filthy ... filthy-fuckin-rich!

An independently wealthy woman;
who seemingly conquered her own way to the top!
An Empress,
A Queen,
A... uh...
a really, really rich lady
is the point I'm trying to get at here.

And yet,
in some ways,
she was a single mom like any other
Taking care of her son!
Just her...
and, uh,
several hundred stunningly gorgeous women.
professional models!

You see my moms business,
her stock and trade,
her empire,
was…
The Modeling Industry!
Yes, The Modeling Industry ladies & gentlemen!
The buy, sell trade of the chosen ones:
the fit & the beautiful

and yet even amongst the madness
of running a multinational modeling firm
she still took the time to be around me,
to be my mom!
she even somehow found the time
to sing me lullabies in bed.
we always sang my favorite song:

(C, C, F, C, F, C, C, G, C)
"You Are My Sunshine,
My Only Sunshine,
You Make Me Happy,
When Skies are Gray.
You'll never know dear,
how much i love you,
please don't take
my sunshine away."

So after the years in this same old game
Anything I would try my mom found a way
to help along with her riches and fame
so that nothing I did ever felt like I did it

I began to see that when you are given privilege
and a mind to question it
you realize that privilege doesn't hold water,
but it sure is full of shit
you see the game
and who seems to be running it,
and you want to shout,
"ya know what, thanks anyways but, i quit."

i wanted to do something genuine,
something authentic,
something true,
i wanted to be something worthwhile
something new.
so i made a band,
(some sort of nerdy short musical interlude)
the music was decent,
my enthusiasm high,
and we blew up in the scene
with out even trying

i found fame
but I found fame just the same,
another fake face game,
people lost in pain
and displacing the blame,
another song,
another check,
some more drugs, what the heck,
a trip to jail,
to top the charts,
no honesty,
nothing from the heart,
another money making machine,
honed, toned, lean and mean,
ruthless and for one purpose alone,
to steel your money
and strip your soul right off your bones.
And so i cried in my solitude,
the only thing that kept coming up
amongst all the chatter, talk of some mysterious club,
one of those clandestine high society joints,
invite only, some sacred place for rock stars and royalty
big time actors and of course big time money
a night club, infamous beyond reputation or public list...
a place, where the truly elite rub shoulders and kiss
this club called... Atlantis. Atlantis. Atlantis!


Song 2
C, D, F, C, G

“Way Down Bellow the Ocean,
That’s where I want to be,
She may be”

This type of place you'll never hear of unless
you're cursed, or blessed, to be one of the proud,
one of the beautiful, the fit, top 1% of the top 1%,
so all the fame came with a touch of pain ,
and an invitation was sent.
so I went, I don't really know why,
hoping to find answers of how to feel alive
underneath the public eye. 
hoping for a real life inside this dream!

When I got to the club it was just as i thought,
it was the same lecherous crowd and i felt caught
unable to breath, disgusted at the lies,
mistrusting all these people,
unsure of why anyone even tries,
to pretend that they are happy,
and so into a bottle i dove,
and after i had too many
i hopped in my car and drove,
off the railing, off a cliff,
out of my mind with no will to live,
I crashed...

 "down bellow the ocean,
that’s where I want to be,
she may be"

...and when i awoke a soft voice spoke,
familiar, and yet i cannot give
a recollection of what was said,
as though merely a dream inside my head,
and then i heard a tv announcer say,
"the poster boy for rock and roll died today"


Song 3
C, F, G, fm

he was talking about me and i thought,
"could this be heaven?",
but that feeling quickly passed,
as john travlota came over
to offer me water in a glass
and to ask me how i was feeling,
a distant smile on his face,
and all i could muster to mutter was,
"who are you, and what is this place?..."

"this is atlantis," came a gentle voice,
as john turned and walked away,
and i saw elvis presley,
looking as though he hadn't aged a day,
now i know this sounds fantastic,
in fact i wouldn't believe it if i were you,
but this is the way it happened,
and its just the beginning of all that's true.

Just the beginning!


Song 4
Am, C, G, F (part of this world)

Dazed and shaken, I swore this a dream...
This man a fraud,
"Antlantis??"
"heha... You look just like Elvis man..."
I spoke... still confused and drugged.
"That can't be right! I mean... right ?!?
Atlantis was just that freaky club that I went to last night..."
"that's not quite true," said the man all elvis clad,
then he said, "did you know that man who just left is your dad?"
"fuck you," I said, before I knew what i'd said.
"don't feel bad kid, just get up and look instead."
and then he left, and I was shaken, but I got up even so,
and I started walkin around this place
all these faces, half human ageless smiles
famous
and I heard them all talking
something about lizards
then hunter s. walked by muttering...
who are all these reptiles
something terrible is happening all around us..

then I heard Marilyn Monroe say to Hoffa,
"oh, thats the child of the reptilian high priestess!
it must be amazing to be her child.
do you think i should go meet him?"

Then I was cornered
by a group of famous people I thought were dead,
all trying to tell me things
I couldn't fit in my head

like: I was told that they control us all
the government robots;
the irrelevance of the average Joe;
Isis used to run the computer that ran the world
but she got bored,
passed the job to Judy Garland,
so she could control the vicious hordes
controlled by the robots controlling the world
unconsciously controlling every boy, every girl
every cognizant creature and many who aren't
from the daftest of life forms, to the incredibly smart

I watched and I saw, all these things
big scaly backs and fat diamond rings,
I was struck by the arrogance of these people that "ruled
the world" like a toy, the rest of us merely fooled

I thought:

look at this place
look at this stuff
these people all fake
this reality's fuct
lookin around
yeah you'd think, hey, they've got everything

they've got gizmos and gadgets a plenty
they've got hoozits and whatsit galore
you want thingamabobs they've got 20
but who cares
no big deal
they want more
they want more!

Instrumental/a capella jam out

I wanted to run, but didn't know how to start
consumed by fear and the beating of my heart
so I ducked into a room, then ran down a hall
then jumped through a window only to fall
finding only an elevator which to my surprise
took me out of this place, to grey colored skies
it was a landscape
all covered in snow,
the type of place
where no one would go.
barren, freezing,
and somehow desert like,
but i was so afraid of what i had just seen
that i started to hike
through the dry desert snow
until i fell to the ground.
i must have laid there for hours
before i was found
by a huge bernese mountain dog
with a barrel around it neck.
it gave me the whiskey
and took me on deck
and pull me for miles
through this great barren land
until we came to a cabin
housing a strange bearded man.
i didn't recognize him at first
because his beard was so thick,
and when i finally figured it out
i figured it must be a trick,
because i had just seen this man
back in that place
accept back then
he had no hair on his face.
it was john travolta,
but looking haggard and strange
much different then in the hospital room,
but how had he change?
that was only a matter of hours ago,
something was wrong.
nevertheless, he took me inside
and sang me this song.


SONG# 5

verse: C, E, Am, F
chorus: Dm, G, F

verse:
my boy, my boy, it's been so long
i've been waiting here and i wrote you this song
in case i ever met you, which i hoped i would
so that you could see that i'm not no good

i could have tried a whole lot harder to be your dad
i hope in hearing this you are not mad
i have always loved you as any father would
i hope you can see that i'm not no good

chorus:
i am your dad
i am not bad

verse:
i was seduced by your mom so long ago
then when things went wrong she put me out to this snow
far away though i gave it all i could
and i hope you can see that i'm not no good

chorus:
i am your dad
and i sure am glad
to be seeing you

verse:
pull up a chair my boy, you look to old to accept these toys
i made them so long ago, hoping someday i could show
you all the love and all the care, i had even though i wasn't there
believe me when i say i did all i could
i hope you can see that i'm not no good

chorus:
i am your dad

verse:
i am so sorry i could never say
i love you my sunshine i hope you had a nice day

chorus (end on C):
i am your dad
i am not bad
i sure am glad
to be seeing you
today


Song# 6

D, F#, G, A

i felt scared and confused,
just come in from the snow,
and now john travolta with a beard
is telling me things as though
he thinks he's my dad,
could that actually be true?
after his song he looked like
he could guess, or he knew,
all the things in my head,
as he took a chain from his neck
with a medallion which looked
familiar, so i took mine out to check,
and sure enough they matched perfectly,
like two parts of one coin.
a gift my mother had given me
when i was just a small boy

then john smiled a sad smile,
a tear rolling down to his chin
and he said, "sorry for the terseness son,
we haven't got much time, so i'll just begin."
then he told me a story even stranger
then what i had just seen.
that place was atlantis
not just some scary dream.
and all those famous people
were real and still alive,
controlled like worker bee's
inside a hive.
with my mom as the queen,
though she wasn't a bee,
she was the high reptile priestess,
she controlled the whole thing,
with her minions of reptiles as
second in command,
they were the true underground leaders
ruling almost everything that happened on land.
atlantis, he told me, was the same
lost city from the history tales,
hidden under the antarctic polar ice caps
like a resort, in a jail,
for the worlds elite
who kept the whole show going,
controlling all through the media
though none of them knowing
why they do what they do,
but they just keeping doing it because
they liked all the lime light,
all the big media buzz.

i didn't want to believe him,
this strange bearded man,
making claims that any other point
i would’t even remotely understand.
but after all the crazy
things that i’d seen
i almost believed him,
though i still thought this might all just be a dream.

he could see my uncertainty,
he could tell i was distressed,
so he gave me some signs to look for
beginning with how my mother dressed,
and the food that she ate,
and the way that she walked,
and the amount of water she drank,
subtle tones as she talked.
by the time he was done
i had a huge list i could check,
but i felt so damn tired,
felt like my life was a wreck.
i told him to eat all his words,
saw a button on his desk marked "don't touch".
i thought, 'fuck this shit',
and slammed the button a whole bunch,

i faintly heard as he yelled,
'no. my boy. don't go yet',
but the button was pressed,
my destination set.
i felt like i was spinning through space
as though i was staying still but moving fast
and all at the same time
everything passed.

(“spinny” musical interlude)


song # 7
Am, G, C, F(power chord)

and i found myself awaking
to familiar sounds,
to a familiar place,
as though i'd just suddenly come down
from the craziest trip
i'd ever been on,
and i looked out my window
to a clear distant dawn,
felt a sharp pain in my head,
found my mom by my bed,
my head all in stitches,
and my mom she cried as she said,
'oh my god, my son,
my sweet sunshine,
your still alive, i knew it,
i knew everything would be fine."

she told me i had nearly died,
drove myself off a cliff,
that she had taken me home
from the hospital, unsure if i'd live

i quickly decided it all was a dream,
that while i was out, the whole time i was gone
there must have been a movie staring john travlota on,
and everything that i thought i had just gone through
was no more real to me than it must have sounded to you

so i gave a little chuckle
and told my mom my crazy dream
and i noticed she laughed,
but behind her laugh was something that seemed
as though she wasn't quite comfortable
with the things i was saying,
so i asked he if she though it was 'bull',
and i felt like she was delaying,
before she said, 'what do you think i think,
it sounds pretty far fetched.'
and as i took out my necklace,
it seemed like she almost retched.
but for only a moment
i couldn't be sure really was there,
so i asked her about the necklace,
for a moment she stared,
then she told me the same story
i'd heard a million times,
she gave me that necklace
and it's the only one i'd ever find,
that looked anything like it
and i didn't want to sound crazy,
so i dropped it all then,
hoped it would all become hazy.
a distant thought from my past,
but the more i ignored it,
i started to notice the signs,
even though i abhorred 'em.


song #8
(creeping build up)
Bm, F#m, A, E

just like john had told me,
my mom controlled all whom she knew,
she slept very little,
drank lots of water and kept few
whom were close to her,
always seemed ahead of the game
never made a mistake,
never took any blame,

i started to think i was going crazy
so i took a trip on my own,
i didn't tell anyone i was leaving,
i just needed a short time alone.

but when I got back to new york,
where this whole journey began
I found something more menacing
and much more scary at hand.
i found my mom WAS a reptile,
her human suite only half on.
where once were her legs
now all humaness gone.
no soft pink skin,
only dark green scales,
a bifurcated tongue,
and a huge slithering tail.
she turned towards me
and I screamed and I yelled
and I fell to the ground,
and on the ground I dwelled,
in my misery and fear,
in my shame and my guilt,
on all the false truth
upon which my meaningless life had been built.
but my mom saw me there,
and she knelt down where I lay,
and told me the craziest things
I'd heard anyone say.
and I am sure you stopped believing me
a long time ago,
but I wrote a lullaby of what she said,
just in case you wanted to know.

She sang:


Song #9

verse: C, E, Am, F
chorus: Dm, G, F

verse:
Boy don't cry
it's gunna pass you by
everything that scares you
it's all only a lie

it's all part of a larger
more important thing
every plant and animal,
every human being

chorus:
and i may be queen,
but this is all a seed,

verse:
for the mushroom overlord
the great fungal god-king
who was sent to our planet
so that he could help bring

life back to the future
which is where he is from
far after the light of this sun
will be gone

chorus:
and i may be queen,
but it's you i need

verse:
come with me to meet MOL
be ready to live,
by loosing control
you're life a gift to give

so that those that created us can come into being
here my darling, just put on this ring
Come meet the great fungal god-king

chorus: (end on C)
and i may be queen,
but it's you we need
and i am so glad
to be seeing you today


Song #10
Bm, F#7

and even though I was confused and scared
I did what she said, and now I am surprised that I dared
and when I put on that ring I was taken
to a strange beautiful place
and met a being with no look on it's face,
neither man, nor woman, neither animal or plant,
so it was not hard to believe it'd been sent
from a strange distant future, as a seed for all life
and he spoke to me strangely, as I will now try
to portray for you, so that you can now know
why we were planted here, and why we must grow
here’s what he said:

(Music cuts/
unison monotone speech)
(everyone on a mic with a different emotion)

you are the future we need,
the one who was born of a reptile
by a mamilian seed,
able to withstand the journey
to our beloved pliaties,
as an encrypted spore
with your dna at the core
But don't be afraid,
we just need to know,
if you would survive
and if you would grow,
and you did and that's great,
so now you can just sit back and contemplate
the beauty that is life, the love, loss and strife
the joy and the fun, the excitement of living
under this beautiful sun,

Music returns (Bm, F#7)

mol said all of this,
with an nondescript face.
then the fungal god-king
turned to gaze into the emptiness of space,
the being was saying these words
but convaying much more
that i’ve tried to portray,
but my translation is poor,
though i do recall
the last thing that was said,
as though the soft but strong words
still ring in my head.
mol told me to tell you,
“if you want to live,
and wonder where to begin,
you must simply and sweetly
let the sun shine in.
just let the sun shine...”

song #11

Bm, F#7, F#7, Bm, G, D

let the sun shine, let the sun shine, the sun shine in!

and as the mushroom overlord left me,
my mom took me on one last crazy trip,
back to the polar ice caps,
right back to the tip,
to a small wooden cabin,
where a bearded john Travolta dwelled,
and we both went inside,
and my heart almost burst as i was held
by my mom and my dad,
in a big warm embrace,
like a bright ray of sunshine,
falling on my big smiling face.
and i just…

(music cuts; a capella:)

let the sun shine, let the sun shine, the sun shine in!

Bm F#7
you are my sun shine,
F#7 Bm
my only sun shine,
G D
you make me happy,
Bm F#7
when skies are grey,
F#7 Bm
you’ll never know dear,
G D
how much I love you

(back into origional lyrics (X6)
and end with: a capella “let the sun shine”
walking off stage with audience singing along)

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iron and wine is one of my current favorites. sam beam's ability to combine simple yet beautiful melodies with compelling poetry has been something i have appreciated since the earlier part of this decade, when i was introduced to 'our endless numbered days', 'the creak that drank the cradle', and 'the sea and the rhythm'. i have stayed engaged in iron and wine's (and sam beam's) development since that time, and have stayed very engaged by the progression of beam's musical endeavors.

accordingly, it has always been a desire of mine to get to see iron and wine perform. somehow, however, i have never been in the right place at the right time for this to happen. never, that is, until i was in dublin when they just happened to be coming through. lucky for me, dublin was among 'the shepard's dog' european tour stops. i convinced my grampa to come with me, and so, the sunday before i left ireland grampa dave and i found our way into the 'big city', cookies in hand, and enough time to catch a few pints and some grub before hitting up the show.

by the time the show started, we were two cookies, and a few pints deep. the opening act was good, but just kind of felt like a young rocker who idealized jeff buckely. i was trying to be supportive of this young ones drive for music, but he kept giving self deprecating comments which was very distracting, and in my semi-enibriated state (which harbors deeper sensitivities) i was having a hard time relaxing into his music, and the audience wasn't quite at all, which only reinforced the cycle. after some songs he left the stage.

after a moments set up, and a slight pause to enhance anticipation, sam beam and his sister (?) come on the stage and entered into what seemed at least a 10 minute ballad, just voices and an acoustic guitar. it was sam alone for the first half or more, singing the entire time, lyrics that were beautiful and somehow pertainant, though they drifted away from my mind almost as fast as they entered. then, his sister joined in, and the harmonies began, and took over my body.

then, slowly, with each song a new member of the band joined the stage, until there was sam on guitar, his sister on the fiddle, a lap slide player, an everything guy (playing guitar and mariba's mostly), a percussionist, a drummer, a bass player, and a key-board piano playing lady. the sound was full and loud. i expected to see a series of well delivered, beautifully polished tunes, that you could easily remember from the box's they had be so eloquently put into on his albums. instead the audience was giving a journey down and out through beam's meandering depths. the songs would start low and slow and build into cacophonies of generous and beautiful underbellies of authenticity. it was not so much watching a music show, but instead watching an artist express, authentically, the beauty and struggle they perceive in reality, and the medium just happened to be music. the songs would blend, running one into another, taking us with them into an expression of the ineffable. and to exacerbate this all was beam's voice, which on his records seems almost a whisper, but there, in the concert hall rang out with strength and a texture that seems to only come with experience.

needless to say, i left feeling enriched and excited with life's offerings.

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today is my uncle dana's birthday (i think) and i don't even know his email address to wish him a happy new rotation.

i just skimmed back and realized that i haven't posted anything (really) about my adventures since my trip to northern ireland, (which is insane because so much has happened, but perhaps that is why i haven't been posting).

key events are probably as follows, but with little detail:

-watching iron and wine with grampa dave in dublin.
-visiting joel in new orleans.
-returning to california for the first time in two years.
-miles and danielle's wedding.
-lisa and jesse's wedding.
-rafting the rogue with my papa (who i hadn't seen in over two and a half years).
-the pacific north west.
-harvesting ducks with andrew and sarah (and rick).

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when i was four, because my parents were poor, my dad took a job in wyoming, outside a small town called rocksprings. this was an electrical job on a huge energy plant of some sort, that was being built for exxon, by a subsidiary of exxon, as a tax write off for exxon (or in otherwords, a bull-shit project for money laundering purposes). my dad's plan was to work there for half a year as a transition period between colorado (where i was born and had lived up and to this point) and california (where i was to grow up). he moved out to this desolate little town a couple of months before my mom, my sister, and i went out to join him. there was one restaurant that we ate at one a week, called something like tampico grandes. they had this amazing sopapias for desert, which were basically a fried flat-bread, smothered in sugar, and topped with ice-cream, whip-cream, and a syrup of some kind. we always got one and shared it as a family. it was the most sugar we ate when i was a kid, and i was always extremely excited for it, to the point of bouncing up and down in my chair. one time in particular the sopapia came out, and i dove my fork in at full speed, cramming a huge bight into my tiny little 4 year old head only to notice my gag response engage causing me to spit the bit out. my mouth tasted like i had just poured all of a salt shakers contents on my tongue. needless to say, i freaked. it ended up that the cook had mistaken the salt for the sugar, and instead of lathering our desert up with sweetness, he had replicated what a sopapia would taste like in the sea. i didn't cry for long however, because we were immediately given two new ones for free, which meant i got to eat as much as i wanted and not worry about making sure there was enough for everyone.
my mom, sister, and i would go on at least one road trip out to colorado a year, to visit with her family (who all still live out there, except her dad who now lives in ireland). one year, when i was probably 13 or 14, we stopped by rocksprings for fun, and the restaurant was still there, a bit disheveled, but still running. the town looked even more desolate than when we lived there, and the street we had lived on looked as though rumors had spread of a plague and all the inhabitants had evacuated. this is the same street where i earned my mole, and the first place in my mind that i can remember the sweet smell of the herbs and spices that would become my mentors in later years.

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run with the wind
and the blood
in your veins

and the sweet subtle smell
of warm summer rains

and the voices your've heard
that might drive you insane

and your clutch on a truth
neither honest nor plane

for this is the time when
the running you've done

turns out not to be simply
running for fun

but running from light,
from the end of a gun

from the fear of the end
of a life un-begun

a life twisted with self
a life blistered with wealth

stifled by triumphs
that last shorter than health

but if we smile in our time
in the moment we live

if we grasp all we can
by the way that we give

not in false security
contrived by all that we save

but the clear sense of purity
derived from all that we gave
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when i was a very little boy i had a real difficulty with depth perception, and a real drive for speed. unfortunately the combination of these two things led to some disasters, though none so traumatizing as to inhibit the latter. as i'm sure you can imagine, speed for a toddler isn't very fast, the leg muscles haven't fully developed yet, and the coordination to move past a toddle isn't there (hence the nomenclature). nevertheless, one day, after some frustrating attempts at a gander, and at the excitement of seeing my papa return home from work, i mustered up all the speed i could get to charge right over to where he stood, not more than 5 feet away from me. to my lack-of-depth-perception-demise, i didn't notice the curb that lingered maliciously between me and my fatherly destination, and though my fast was still toddler-slow, i tripped and fell hard, smacking my head with about as much force as a two-foot tall, nordicly inspired, blond baby could. i was immediately lavished with lots of good consoling attention, but have an egg developed off of my forehead, under my forehead-skin (hehe). this of course resulted in evil glares towards my parents by folks they didn't know, as i became a perfect spark for domestic abuse suspicions, regardless of my generally jovial tambour. the other, and longer lasting, result of this crash, is the moll which appeared after the fall, and which remains, in the middle of my forehead, just right of center, next to where some might claim my third-eye to be.

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'i ran away from home at the age of 47'

'we are exporting democracy again,
does it mean
we'll have to do with less at home'

'confession booths were always an agony,
it was where i first learned how to lie-'

'took me a lifetime
to dissassemble my playpen-'

'perfectly harmless
he's been through school.'

'it took him 49 years
to bend down to a flower-
(maybe the sun was out)'

'sitting bull ate general custer's heart--
it was about the last honest act in this land'

'we were born dynamite
and dead habit wet our fuse'

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it was a leisurely morning before i left county wicklow, and the comfort of my grampa's home, tucked up in the hills between laragh and rathdrum. i headed out in grampa dave's little blue pugeot, iron and wine singing me along the road as it stretched out northward bound. i meandered up the small road leaded from the lil house on the hillside to the n11, and then jumped onto the m50 to circumvent the chaos of dublin, swinging back north on the m1 until it became the a1, and before i knew what hit me i was in belfast.

the day was so beautiful, and in such contradiction to what i was told to expect of the skies in the north that i decided to seize the opportunity and turned off the main course north and took the a2 coastal highway. needless to say, it was glorious as it wound up the coast, through cute little towns and confused locals as i smiled and waved.

as i neared the east west corner of the island the 'causeway coastal highway' split off west and away from the coast, but a small road continued north along the cliffs and water. i opted for the later to find myself at torr head within no time at all. i parked the car and hoped out into wind. i walked out to the head (or point) and i could barely make out another land mass out and across the sea. i was stuck suddenly that i was looking at scotland. somehow i hadn't even considered that i would be able to see scotland, and so had not built up any expectations for such an experience. it was actually considerably more moving than i expected, as it was (and is) the nearest i have been to that aspect of my ancestry.

'standing here, at torr head, looking out across the sea, i can see the coast of scotland, a faded silhouette on the horizon, a suggestion in haze, the land of my ancestors, only 18 kilometers away.'

'a song for my ancestors
a song from my bones
a song to be sun
when you're cold and alone

a song for the old
a song for the gone
a song for the sun
and a song for the young

i see it there
a land from before
even though i don't know it
i know it the more

the rock and the sea
the harsh wind torn shore
the grey and the cold
field in which my ancestors tore

and i'm calmed in this space
the wind pushing my back
i'm calmed in the knowledge
of all the knowledge i lack

of how it was for my people
of how it is as i write
for this is the closest i've been
the closeness of sight

so i found my way out
to the end of torr head
and i wondered,
could that be the place
i return when i'm dead

so i smiled and i laughed
and i looked one more time
too caught up in meter
and lost in my rhyme.'

as i stood there staring across a woman with a young child came around the corner to where i was standing. even though i was fairly sure that it was scotland i decided to ask the woman, so i said, 'this is probably a stupid question, but is that scotland over there?'
'it certainly is,' she responded, 'only 18 kilometers away.'
'wow, that close?' i said, surprised.
'yeah, and it looks it today too, which is a good sign,' she said, pointing across at the only partially visable coast line. 'they say that if it looks far away that means that the weather will stay good, but if it looks close it means the weather is going to turn bad.'
'oh yeah?' i asked.
'well, that is what they say at least. some days it looks like it is right there, close enough that you could swim to it, maybe only a kilometer away.' i pictured this, and though i was glad for the indication of good weather to come, i almost wished i could have seen it appear so close despite the implications.
'has anyone ever swam across?' i aksed the woman.
'i don't believe so,' she replied, 'but people often take boats, small boats across.'
'that must be fun,' i said, imagining myself on a small sea kayak paddling across, the wind pushing against me, the current pulling me back to the irish shoreline, a deep feeling of triumph as i landed on the rocky shore opposite from where i stood.
'i don't know about that,' said the woman, looking at me like i must be crazy. 'well have a lovely day.' she said motioning to the young girl to join her in retreat.
'thanks a lot,' i responded, 'you too.' and i waved good-bye to both of them and then gazed back across the water.

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4/6

though i've known it,
and though i've never forgotten,
somehow
i'm often amazed at how familiarity
of sight
diminishes,
but familiarity
in smell
seems never to sees.


there is a pleasant aching
in my body,
a drive,
a desire,
a goal,
to return home,
to the dirt,
the soil,
the trees,
and the seas,
to my friends,
my family,
to what's most familiar
to me.
and still,
i long
for adventure.


4/9

and on those cold,
still morning times,
when the darkness lingers,
and the world sleeps--
when i feel the desperate
shallowness of my skull
and my jaw clicks with worry--
when i wish all i knew
where already gone
so i wouldn't have to fear
their disappearance
or wonder
when they would leave-
i am relieved to remember,
i choose this all.


and as the melancholic melodies
of the evening
seep into my ears
i am thinking of the way
i bawled my eyes out
last night
in a dream i had
where my mother and sister
both died.


4/12

an optomistic fatalist,
a possitive pessamist,
a post-modern biophilist,
a neo-marxist appologist,
a psalubsistic objectivist,
a subjective probablist;
i am a monkey--i think--
smiling.


it seems mostly prepostorous,
at best analogeous,
sincerely presumtuous,
and always absurd,
to assume any among us,
the small of humungous,
would have any idea
at all,
of what is or what isn't,
the start and the finish,
when we speak 'truth',
when we spin it,
or suppose any clue
of what actually began it;
this world,
the reality,
what we think
and what we seem to see,
what you think,
and what i see differently,
and whats right as opposed
to make believe.

4/14

once you decide it's true,
no one can change your mind
but you.
if you think you know a thing for sure,
the only way to change is to question,
to realize a think is real
only so long as it's what you feel,
and only if you choose happiness
can you end your own depression.
life is a series of zeros and ones,
and the only thing stopping
anyone from having fun
is their own reification
of their reaction,
their own decision
for sdisatisfaction.
life is short,
but long enough to enjoy,
so realize it's your choice,
whether girl or boy,
you can see the positive,
if you choose,
or you can find loss
if you want to loose,
but you get to pick,
so know you can,
and it's especially easy
if you're a human.


you may stop to think,
you may stop to wonder,
if this is all intentional
or if it's all a blunder.
but things might make more sense
if you start to try
to understand most 'hows'
get misconstrued as whys'.
for purpose is only an idea
held by linear minds,
stuck inside perception
that is trapped inside a 'time'.


there is no struggle at the moment of death, only a delightful release, into the beauty of how things are.

4/27 (familial pancake quotes)

'now i'm here, and i don't know where i am.' -mama

'this is what sunny would look life if we had it.' -sis

'this place is so dense because they planted all the trees so close together.' -grampa

'i'm a lion, i'm not telling the truth, i'm a lion.' -sis
'i'm not telling the truth, i'm lying.' -grampa

'are you going to ask a question.' -grampa

'how do you keep a human in suspense?...' -grampa dave

'i mean, you're big, but you're not that big. but you're big anyway.' -mama

4/28

and when we die
respect our deaths,
by dancing on our graves.

4/29
i can think about non absolutes
in my youth,
while you argue about truths
in your agedness,
for i still don't fear death,
nor even a quiver of breath,
as you pontificate
about sagedness.


i am grateful of insecurity, as it seems the root of most humour.

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2/29

hilarious, nefarious, contrarious, contrite.

"life is like a metaphor" -matt butt

society is like a candle.
the flame is like change.
the candle is given form
by the corporations
that hide behind the table
the candle sits upon.
there is a 'man'
formed from the wax
by those sitting outside
the candle, to watch over.
the flame of change
destroys the 'man'
and keeps society fluid,
but the corporations
outside the candle
build a new 'man'
out of the wax,
which is the people.
the wax people think
that society, or the candle,
is all there is,
and, in some sense,
as they are wax,
they are right in thinking this.
but, really, they are carbon,
and when they join with oxygen,
(a thing that is always there,
but can't be seen), the bond
between the carbon and oxygen
causes a burst of light and heat
(the flame), and then they
(the C and O) fly off together
into oblivion (the unknown).


3/2
'you didn't want to give her the harsh reality...(mutual nods)...all jobs lead to rome."
-henry rose

3/28
find a trite beginning,
do your best to see it through.
yes, no, maybe; mu!

think about life,
contemplate what to do.
yes, no, maybe; mu!

either/or, both/and,
end/begin, don't/do.
yes, no, maybe; mu!

4/4 (99.9% of pop music)
it's friday
and it's about to start.
another night
of imbibing
and gliding
from relatively hollow
interaction
to relatively hollow
interaction.
everyone afraid to be real
because of the consiquences
honesty brings,
in a world
built on lies.

and if, in time, i find my pleasure.
and if, in time i don't,
and if, in time, my lust for treasure
directs me to those that wont,
than all i hope, with all my aim,
is to land in the world of now,
to appreciate, neither fear nor hate,
the subtlety in how
we move from past, we do not last,
but for a moment we do wander,
before we fall,
both one and all,
to oblivion, asunder.
so bless the child
for its love of life,
for its trust and need of nothing,
a lesson worth learning,
to question ones yearning,
to realise there's no need of something,
fleeting yet real,
all part of the deal
of this life,
momentary, worth living.
so smile my sweet,
get up on your feet,
and celebrate
a pleasure worth giving.

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kai the lion
Name: kai the lion
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